so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
