i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
