Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
