I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Randomize
