so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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