I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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