Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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