I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
