All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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