Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
