allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
