Soap is not a condiment
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I just want to make out with him forever
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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