I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
