She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
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