Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
