Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
