Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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