i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
she looked like the before picture.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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