I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
