just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
