Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
