I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
