i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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