please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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