Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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