Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
