u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
