Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
