He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
