just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
