He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
