I hate your face
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
