Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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