i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
