I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
