The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
