found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
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