hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
