Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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