What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
4 words: hood of his car
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
