They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
