she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
