I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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