Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
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