the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
3 2 1 whiskey
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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