I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
