I am puke
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
