Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
