Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
