apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
