I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
as a side note pls kill me
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
