My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Do vagina's smell?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
