Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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