He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
