No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
